January 28, 2008

The 1995 Column

Another day, another inch Husker fans take toward their rightful place as college football’s most elite franchise. (At least in their own mind.) Truth is, this off-season has all the guesswork of a Somalian election. I mean seriously, who can’t see this coming? You and I both know that by June, this entire season of blowout home losses, devastatingly pathetic performances and a defense that Charles De Gaulle would snicker at..will be all but forgotten.

Somewhere, in some crazy and whacked out way, you might be like me, and actually be rooting for the Hick nation to ride high again. Oh not to 1995 levels or anything like that (Still the most overrated football team of all time. Yeah, I said it…), but just to the point where you clowns actually think you mean anything to anybody. Trust me, you don't..and I should know...I'm the last one left.

Radio hosts aside, I think it’s pretty safe that the rest of us…and I do speak for the rest of us…are mocking you with kidlike glee, as we watch the neighborhood bully get throttled time and time again. Yes, you are the Scott Farkas of college football, and that won’t be changing anytime soon…no matter how many unqualified hot-headed assistants you hire and anoint as pope of all things red. Nowhere to go but up from here regardless.


Here’s a question for those of you into such things…since we’re knee-deep in it during this time of year: Has there ever been a BAD report by the guys at rivals about a team's recruiting class? Think about it. Every single time…no matter what recruiting expert is on the radio…everybody is just THIS close to really making it a “best ever class”. Every “3 star” guy is really making strides in the weight room, and every single program is “right there” when it comes to picking up the one guy that is going to lift up an entire fan base.

I will say this once again…I have nothing against Rivals or the people who work hard for them. There is a market, and that shit takes a lot of work. I get that. I respect that. But how freaking hard is it to figure out that you’re being sold guesswork and hope? And if you take this stuff way too seriously...trust me...you don't want to rely on hope. One of my favorite quotes from high school fits very well in this situation, from a famous Missourian.

“Hope is the last bastion of the damned” – Mark Twain

I don’t see it as much by the local/team writers…in fact for the most part, the guys I read are very straight up and forthcoming with their information. But Christ alive, if I have to hear Tom Lemming or Jeremy Crabtree one more time tiptoe and dance around a question from a fan like, “I’m a huge McNeese State fan, what does their recruiting class look like for next year?” I’m going to lose it.

Why? Because you know what the answer will be. In fact, I found the script that they use. It goes like this the second the radio caller hangs up. “ (fill in team name) is really hitting the recruiting trail hard, and I like what (head coach’s name) and his staff have done this off season. Sure they don’t get the same hype as (insert traditional power here), but they’re really doing a nice job this season.”

Meanwhile, in the next 2 to 3 years, McNeese goes 2-10 and 1-11 while getting beat by Uconn by 60.

I don’t get it. I’ll never get it..and if you can explain it to me..I’m all ears. Viva la Capitalism.


Finally, I’m not sure if you caught this the other night, but stupid-ass VH1 had another one of their addicting “Greatest ____ songs of the ____” shows on. Now as you know, I’m a pretty big music guy. In fact, there are only three things I know anything about on this earth. 1) Hating the Huskers. 2) fishing and 3) 80’s and 90’s music.

Perhaps you caught the pathetically predictable “Smells like Teen Spirit” atop their number one spot. Perhaps you were like me and rolled your eyes, as you think back to the early 90’s where only stoners and burnouts listened to Nirvana, and everybody else started listening to them about 30 minutes after Kurt Loader proclaimed Kurt Cobain our generation’s Elvis.

Cobain was a great musician and was a pioneer at his genre..but Pearl Jam was around and mainstream before Nirvana. Hell, Sponge of all bands hit big with Plowed, which is way more grunge and way more kick ass than anything Nirvana came up with.

Anyhow, because it’s late January, and there is nothing to do but count the Creighton choke jobs week in and week out, I figured I would give my own top 10 songs of the 90’s. And no, I’m not including lame ass songs like “Ice Ice Baby” or “I want it That way” or “Damn I wish I was your girl.”

That stuff sucked Yak balls.

I’m talking real music that people without furby’s and jelly shoes actually listened to. And if you don’t like it? Well screw you…my blog, my top 10. (And per the lame VH1 rules, no band can have more than one song…which explains why ‘Fastball’..the shittiest band on earth, actually made the top 100)

#10 – “What’s the Frequency Kenneth” by R.E.M.
I’m not going to lie…I don’t really like R.E.M…too freaky and weird for me. But no song of the 90’s had a better first 3 chords than this one. The sign of a true band is writing a song so good you ignore the fact that you hate them.

#9 - “Volcano Girls” by Veruca Salt
No group of girls anywhere in any era rocked harder than Veruca Salt on this song. I’m not sure what it was, but good lord they rocked. Maybe it was all the swear words and hair flying around?

#8 - “Creep” by Radiohead
VH1 royally screwed Radiohead by placing this way way too low. Gotta love a song that so depressing, yet so demented and hard that it just rattles through your brain for years and years.

#7 - “Mable” by Goldfinger
No band anywhere on the planet puts on a better kick-ass live show than Goldfinger when they’re on. 900mph, bodies flying everywhere, sweat and blood. 'Mable' defined fast and loud modern punk pop and launched one of the great punk bands of our era.

#6 - “What I Got” by Sublime
This song will never ever get old. Not this year. Not next year. Not ever. It’s impossible to listen to and not imagine yourself pimping through Long Beach in your El Camino blasting Sublime. You couldn’t go 20 feet in the late 90’s and not hear somebody blasting it in southern California.

#5 – “Damnit” by Blink 182
Blink 182 turned real annoying really really fast. But before they hit mainstream, they were catchy, furious and loud. Damnit was ramped up about 4 gears higher than any other song of it’s time. Unfortunately, time and ego did them in. But damn that song kicked ass.

#4 - “Sleep Now in the Fire” by Rage Against the Machine
No song anywhere during any moment in time makes you want to burn down your house or smash a sledgehammer through your own windshield like Rage. A sound that has yet to be remotely duplicated,

#3 - “Machinehead” by Bush
They were gone as fast as they hit, but no song signified college rock like Machinehead. Raspy, loud and harsh, Machinehead was the air guitar anthem of Spring Break 1994. (If you weren’t in Padre with us…well…tough.)

#2 - “Pride” by U2
U2 could have about 30 songs on that VH1 top 100 and yes…’One’ was a great tune. But good lord, Pride played live in concert made the hairs stand up on your neck. Bono may be an attention starved douche, but nobody can compare in longevity and creativity with the times like U2.

#1 - “Basket Case” by Green Day
A lot of people hate Green Day. Hell, some days I really don’t like Green Day either. But no song and no sound reverberated through my spine like the Oakland punk sound of the early 90’s. Basket Case is often thought of as the song that sold out the band..and that may be true. But there are maybe 3 songs in my life I remember where I was when I first heard it..and this is one. If you haven’t seen it performed live?.....well…take a look and see what I mean. Ahhh..those were the days.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

Didn't you mean "Creep" by TLC?

10:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You had me til U2. They're the most overrated Irish Import since the soap.

6:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I see the recruiting thugs thing does not = winning when applied to the Mizzou basketball program.

7:10 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

So breaking curfew is now in the same category as shoving your hand down Miss Nebraska's pants? Perhaps beating the shit out of some girl who is banging your quarterback? Perhaps the same as threatening to kill a high school teacher?

As soon as Mike Anderson recants the suspensions and announces that Stefon Hannah "needs basketball in his life"...you let me know.

Why not place it on a tee for me next time?

8:05 PM  
Anonymous MU in Austin said...

Also all of the players suspended are Quin Snyder's recruits. Hell Nebraska basketball fans should be excited, you'll get to win a game. Oh wait I forgot there is no such thing as a Nebraska basketball fan, you all cheer for Creighton this time of year.

10:58 PM  
Blogger NE-Jhawk said...

Speaking of being put up on a tee...

Anyone get the feeling the MU BB players felt like, since they have already lost to KU at home, that thier season was over?

That's how thier typical attitude...

You can almost hear the pre-season meeting. "If your going to do something incredibly stupid....at least wait until after the KU game in Columbia. By then our whole reason for being on campus in the first place will either be justified (yeah right) or over."

6:47 AM  
Anonymous John said...

AJ --

Speaking of Top 10s, how's that Top
10 recruiting class working out for Pinkle and Missouri? Oh, shit, my bad, it isn't a Top 10 class. Is it even a Top 25 class?
Guess that one fine season you had will end up being just that: one fine season.


9:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The day I cheer for Creighton in anything will be the day AJ gets an N tattood on his forehead. I hate the NU football-Creighton BBall fan, they do not represent true Husker fans. They represent the epitome of douchebaggery. I hope your khaki pants burn in hell Creighton fan.

10:10 PM  
Anonymous MizzouAstro said...

Dear ne-dumbass,

You write like a 12 year old girl.


Everyone who isn't a Fred Phelps follower.

Brandon Rush gets arrested and gets no punishment to speak of, 5 MU players miss a damn curfew and are suspended indefinitely. Nice.

Tell Sasha Kaun his hair looks like Quin Snyder's pubes.

11:50 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Did this John guy just try to run recruiting smack? Are you fucking serious? Is that a joke? Is somebody yanking my chain?

Holy hell..I'm going to have to let the ridiculousness of that masterpiece soak in a bit before I reply.

8:28 AM  
Blogger nate3580 said...

Dear Ne-Jayfuck,
84-75. Bitch. Since GayU lost to my Cats is their season over and a failure. I'm sure I will get slaughtered for talking shit about beating KU for the first time in 25 years in manhattan, but for fuck sake I've heard Gay U fans talking trash about football for the last 4 months. "KU football a tradition since September" Livin in the moment I guess. Oh yeah, and AJ you lose respect in my book for the music countdown. U2 is trash. They suck, as does KU. Nothin personal. Later.

11:37 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

I enjoyed the venom. No offense taken.

Props to the Cats on their win last night.

11:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Harry Reid:

Say it ain't so my friend. The war is not lost! There is clear and convincing evidence that the surge is working:
#11 Nebraska defeats #13 Missouri in women's gymnastics last Friday night in Columbia, MO; despite Mizzou posting it's highest point total of the season.
Nebraska men's basketball scored it's first road and conference victory in Tiger town last night.
Hopefully you will report the results of Saturday nights skirmish between #2 Nebraska and #11 Missouri grapplers.
The order is being restored! What size t-shirt can I get you? ::wink::

Go Big Red!

Columbia, MO

12:57 PM  
Blogger NE-Jhawk said...

Excuse me while I give a shit what someone thinks of my writing on a fucking blog. Your whole fucking state spells thier own name with two Z's and pronounce it with a fucking 'uh' at the end of it. You can't spell and you can't fucking talk. Is there another state in the Union that fucking mispells it's own name on purpose? Of course not. Only a comple moron would do that...

But your right. I have a problem because I left a 'how' in a sentance. Boo fucking hoo.

Brandon Rush was arrested for failing to appear for a fucking trafic ticket. Your guys got in a fight after curfew. Our team learned how to handle curfew and after hours club fights a couple of years ago. And, for the record, the KU team members who were 'attacked' at said club at that time were thrown off the team.

KSU fan? No your season is not done...because unlike MU you have some history in basketball and you don't base your whole fucking season on one game like the pussy ass Tigers do year after year.

You guys are going to make the tournement. MU is going to be spending the rest of the season bitching about KU.

GayU, eh? What are you Larry Craig???

Bunch of closeted sheep-fuckers want to make fun of a University for joining the fucking 21st century and appealing to someone more than a fucking inbred hick?

Remind me again...what the fuck is an Ag school for? You plant shit you harvest shit you sell shit...have I missed something that requires a fucking degree?

I know keeping those books is hard but 4 years of Ag shcool for farming?

And you think I suck a cock....you guys are using scholarship money to learn how to put shit in the ground and water it. If someone isn't getting sucked off in that transaction its a shame.

5:18 PM  
Anonymous John said...

AJ --

You refer to "recruiting crap" -- how appropriate. Kind of describes what your Tiggers are bringing into Columbia. Just think, AJ, sometime in late fall, when you're contemplating the whys and wherefores of a disappointing season, you can reflect upon that one moment when Missouri was relevant-- that one week before the B12 CG. To quote the Rave, "Nevermore".


5:19 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

NE, settle down. This is a family blog...we don't use the words "harvest shit" around here. It's "farm" shit.

Keep your Mr. Green Jean verbs out of my blog.


8:56 PM  
Blogger nate3580 said...

Dear ne-jayhawk,
I guess we can agree to disagree with your obtuse ignorant statements about "farm shit". Kansas State University ranks number one among public schools in rhodes, goldwater, and truman scholars. There is much more to Kansas State University than agriculture even though that is a major part of our University. Kansas State has one of the top 10 engineering programs in America, and also has the third best Architecture program in America. And heaven forbid KSU works hard to help improve the lively-hood and well being of the american people by working to improve agriculture and develop safer ways to produce coarse grains helping save the environment (you should like that seeing how you are a KU hippie, well I assume a hippie because it's either you are a hippie or a fag being from KU). Also they work with cattle and chickens and developing safe hormones and steroids to produce meats more cheaply (which you should also appreciate since you probably spend 8 hours a day flipping burgers at McDonalds). I however actually graduated with degree's in finance and economics. I did however grow up on a farm, working hard and making an honest living. I do however work in the agriculture business. So get your facts straight or shut the hell up. If you would like to discuss further I'd be glad to you.
Cordially submitted,

11:18 AM  

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