Back to a Truly Horrible Place

I really thought a week in the sun would have helped my attitude. And yes, although I'm not nearly as tired or burned out as usual, I've certainly had my eyes opened. My eyes are opened, because I really have no idea why I live in this part of the country. In fact, I'm not sure why anybody lives in this part of the country. If it wasn't for the blazing summertime humidity and the endless bastion of elderly drivers, I'd pack up and move south in an instant.

However, (sigh) I'm simply not at the absolute breaking point yet, so you are stuck reading about I-backs, Johnny Rogers and fake tattoos on the arm of adult men in order to wow an underage kid. Don't worry though I'm getting there and quick. And yes, you would too if you were boating in the sun all week, and 48 hours later were scraping your window and knocking out the grainy-brown frozen substance that collects behind the front left wheel of your car.

Good God do I hate this place. I know I joke about it a lot, but leave it to a mid-winter trip into the tropics to screw your head on right. My God, and to think..some of you are actually FROM here? What the hell is that like? Stop...before you send me 500 pages on your childhood in Lexington, save your typing skills. I don't really want to know.

Anyhow, whining about my locale aside, let's hit on a few things I may have missed this week:

* Local radio had a funny segment yesterday about tempering expectations for Husker football in 2008. Funny to me, because right on cue, the nutjobs came out of the woodwork with such predictable phrases as, "If we can get some freshman to step up, I don't see how we can't finish with 9 wins."

Are you stoned Cletus?

You had the 112th rated defense last season, you lost two of your three biggest offensive weapons from last year and are completely changing coaching staffs. Yet somehow, as my good friend Husker Mike argued with me yesterday, it was simply a matter of bad coaching, and not bad personnel.

Now, I didn't play D1 football, but I've been on enough teams at the high school and college level to know what sort of role coaching plays. Don't get me wrong, it's important to be motivated, stable and in tune with what's going on around you. But Tom Osborne never made an open field tackle. Bob Devaney never hit a receiver wide open in the flat. Bob Stoops never made a game winning field goal. Not last year. Not 10 years ago. Not ever.

Is this making ANY sense to you people?

Now, coaching is definitely important, and don't think I'm trying to tell you otherwise. But do you find it somewhat odd that your defense was THAT bad and it was simply because of somebody didn't make them play hard enough? Do you find it odd that you scored 6 whopping points against Missouri and yet, somehow because your OC has a new boss, they're suddenly going to be the freaking Patriots?

So is this rational thought? Or just a tad bit wishful thinking on your part? I realize it's a tad bit uneasy to think of yourself as one of the three worst teams in the Big 12, but unless your cupboard is completely stocked, I think you're in for a big dissapointement. But then again, what do I know? I only predicted this whole thing before it even happened. Listen to your own heart if you want. I don't care. Kosher Delis will pop up on the West Bank before you even sniff seven wins, let alone nine.

* This election thing has to be close to being over right? Nine more months? Ugh.

* Those of you who have written to me your displeasure of reading through my vacation recaps and travel antics are in for a long off-season, because in case you didn't notice, it's February, and prime Husker-hating season is at least another 4-5 months away. Not to say we won't cover some of the idiotic things you say in depth, but in all due respect, it's a just fucking blog. If you want facts and in-depth analysis, go to espn.com. If you want recruiting and team by team breakdowns, go to Rivals.

I write this for me. I write this to call you out and give the rest of the world an opportunity to see what complete assclowns you really are. I don't participate in round tables. I don't go too far into analysis. Hell, I didn't even advertise myself when I did an interview with a well-known Husker blog not once but twice. Do you see me pimping myself or any blog for that matter for Everyday Should Be Saturday's annual "blog awards"? (Despite the fact that I never even mentioned it...and oh yeah, I got royally screwed out of Best Big 12 Blog..but whatever. Funny how the blogs that run those contests almost always win). But seriously, all that stuff is nice, but it really isn't me. I mean, how much more proof do you need form me that I don't care?

Don't get me wrong...I fully commend you for your interest in what I have to think, but regardless of what goes through your brain, I don't sit here and type while thinking, "Boy, I hope they like it." But really, other than the fact that I secretly want some publisher to take me away from the hell of daily life...do I really have ANY reason to write this other than my own sick pleasure of pissing you people off? Aren't you looking a little too deep into this?

Take it for what it is. If I want to talk about my dog for 31 paragraphs, I will. If I want to discuss the weather, my upcoming oil change for my car or the Q1 GDP growth rate in Singapore, I'll do that too.

Stop thinking so damn hard..and just read.