February 3, 2008

Super Bowl Sunday and FAQ's

The biggest sporting event in the world is going on today, and I have nothing really to say about it. Actually, that’s a lie because the World Cup dwarfs it and in many cases the Olympics do too. However, there is no greater celebration of American capitalistic dominance and extravagance than the Super Bowl. $900 bucks? For a football game that DOESN’T involve a team I give a rats ass about that is also broadcast in fabulous HD? Uhhhh…no thanks NFL. And yes, it is slowly starting to seem that the NFL is catching up to the mother of all greedy, hypocritical and evil organizations on earth…the NCAA in terms of taking itself way way way too seriously.

Regardless of all that, there really isn’t a whole lot else going on. Husker football is floating in the toilet, with nothing more than a couple of high school kids and a hothead inexperienced first-time head coach going for it. Creighton continues to squeak by teams that would give Elkhorn High a good game. Husker baseball…which used to be a staple of Joe Husker fan’s pre-spring excitement, has now been designated to the back page with the hunting and fishing reports.

So with that in mind, I figure now is as good of a time as any to publish my FAQ’s. Many readers have requested this, simply because with new readers all the time..I CONSTANTLY have to explain myself and my base views expressed in this site. (I'm still working on a link, but I'm too lazy to get to building it) So if you’ve been here a while, and already know these, feel free to check back in on Tuesday. For the rest of you, pay attention, because I really don’t want to do this more than once every year or so.

______________________________________

Q – Why do you hate Nebraska so much?
A – That broad statement is not true. I enjoy living in Nebraska just fine. I married a girl from Nebraska, my kids were born in Nebraska. But this isn’t where I’m from. Unfortunately, most of you are from here..and really have no idea what it’s like to cheer for somebody else. You also have this perception that everybody wants to be you. That arrogance and self-perception that ANYBODY outside the four-state area cares about you is maddening. The fact that most of you are also batshit crazy when it comes to your football team doesn’t help either.

Q – Fine, if you don’t like it…why don’t you move?
A – Two reasons. For one, I’m not buttass stupid enough to blur the line between sports and life. I like the city just fine, it’s the sports fans I hate. Wouldn’t that be rather ignorant to quit your job, sell your house, uproot your family and start over somewhere else….just because your neighbor dresses up at Bob Devaney on Halloween? And two, the world needs me here. Nobody cares about the part of the world, and they certainly don’t have any insight into your bizarre little world. The local media will never share this with others, because they’re just as whacked out insane as the rest of you. Like the underground movement in Communist China, the world needs to know what it’s like on the inside…behind the walls so to speak.

Q – Why do you like Missouri? They suck.
A – Because some of us don’t pick our favorite teams because we had a cool t-shirt with an N logo on it in the 70’s. I picked them because I thought they had cool uniforms and colors. Why the hell do you think I like them? I’m saddled with them for life, because that’s where I’m from and that’s who I am. I don’t start rooting for another basketball team because they’re having a better season. I don’t claim to be a big Browns fan because I had a layover in Cleveland once in 1997. They're stuck with me, and I'm stuck with them. That's what real fans do.

Q – Fine, why take 5 hours a day to write a blog about a team you hate? A – I’ve always loved to write, and you people give me enough material to last until I’m about 203 years old by my calculations. Blogger.com makes starting something like this easy and quick. As for the web design…a friend of mine from Reno is starting a web design business, and decided to help me out for free. (Isn’t Justin swell?) Bottom line: It doesn’t take that much effort, and it’s only a matter of time before you, your media or your coach does something incredibly stupid.

Q – It must kill you inside when Nebraska wins. You’re going to be in hell when we get back to prominence.
A – First of all, most of you will be watching Matlock and wearing Depends by the time you get “back to prominence”. Second, of course I root against the Huskers 100% of the time…mostly because I hate your guts. But when you win, you make my job really really easy. How? Because you take small victories and insignificant achievements, and stretch them into ridiculous expectations. Don’t believe me? Two words: Sam Keller. It's easier to write about your antics when you win, because your true colors show.

Q – Who is your most hated Husker of all time?
A – So many to choose from. I’d say it’s a tie between Scott Frost, Kellen Houston or Josh Davis. All three of them exemplify everything that is ridiculously sad about Husker football..whether it be whining, being a puss or an outright criminal. However, the one person that sums up all of these traits is not a player, but single person. This person not only lives under a blanket of hypocrisy, but also loves the glare of your attention more than most of you love animal porn. Dr. Tom exemplifies everything that is wrong about you. Bland, plain, boring and in love with himself. He, also like you is willing to talk a good game, and then make excuses for his mistakes. He is you, and there is no wonder you are so perfect for each other.

Q – You just insulted Tom Osborne. I’m going to kick your ass.
A – That’s not a question.

Q – What is your favorite Husker moment of all time?
A – There are so many moments, it’s hard to speak to them all. Obviously the 2001 Colorado game was enjoyable. The colon-pounding against Texas Tech made me giggle. The 2003 loss to Missouri was obviously personal to me as well. However, I think the Missouri game from this fall might be the my favorite moment. Not because it was my team, or that I attended the game after drinking and eating smoked pork loin and ribs for 12 hours with 70,000 Mizzou fans and students. No, what was great about that was the sheer way in which you were destroyed…taunted and powerless, as the people you bullied and pounded on retalliated on National TV with venom, fake field goals and a wave around the stadium that lasted the better part of 20 minutes. The Huskers obviously had issues…but at that moment..during that game…you had a shred of hope left. Then, the bomb was dropped, leveling your program to the glowing pile of nothingness it is now. A truly historic moment that I’m glad I witnessed in person.

Q – What’s your problem with the Omaha media?
A – Like Goebbels and his Nazi propaganda machine, the Omaha media continues to fuel the fires of idiocy and myopia through idealistic and unimaginable expectations. Now don’t get me wrong…I went to journalism school for a time, and I know exactly why they cater to their readers. The problem is, all of their readers are complete lunatics. I’m still at odds with myself over whether the media is in fact that idiotic as well, or if they’re simply acting idiotic to make you people happy. However, no matter how it happens, you can bet that the Omaha print, radio and television media will continue to be a mouthpiece for the unrealistic cult of myopia it serves.

Q – What the hell do you have against the College World Series.
A – Let’s be clear here…I don’t hate the Series itself. Even as a teenager, I went to games with my dad, and had a great time. (Especially when Jim Audley gunned down Dax Jones in 1991, sending Creighton’s dream season into the toilet). However, it’s the pure evil that is the NCAA that sparks my hatred. If you’ve ever met the men who run that tournament (I have), you will understand just what sort of slime and unsavory arrogance you are dealing with. Meanwhile, the city of Omaha is so busy patting themselves on the back and sucking off some ESPN cameraman who makes 7 bucks an hour…they don’t even notice. I don’t want the series to leave, but I want people to understand just where the event sits in the sporting universe.

Q – Didn’t you used to love UNO hockey?
A – I still enjoy UNO hockey, but decided to not renew my tickets for the first time in 10 years. Unfortunately, the ugly specter of mediocrity has plagued the program for the better part of 5 years. Throw in a formerly corrupt athletic department that cared more about giving girls-cross country their fair due than expanding the hockey program..and you get bitter fans such as myself. They’ve been playing better over the last few weeks, and the gameday experience has improved. (Finally) However, they still have a long way to go to get me back.

Q – Who are you backing for president?
A – I haven’t made up my mind yet. I don’t vote for people because other people tell me to. Hell, I may actually write-in myself.


Next week is going to be a bit slow, as I’m getting the hell out of this one-Husker town. More details as the week goes on. In the meantime, enjoy your pizza rolls, spinach dip, Tricuits and cheese balls. Oh, and the game too if you really care.

Go Giants.


(Photo thanks Huskers.com and Missouritigers.com for Truman - Fear the Kitty and fight the power)

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21 Comments:

Anonymous Elahrairah said...

Although I agree with most of your points I have to disagree with you on Tom Osborne. I know of specific events where he did what was right for the situation and went against his team's best interesting on the recruiting front. Now that does not take away the Lawrence Phillips and other mistakes. Of course these events happened in the 1960s so he may have changed since then but from my understanding he displayed more character than most in the business. I don't want to go into details on these issues because they make other coaches(particulary Lou Holtz) look bad.

1:26 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Appreciate that. As I've always stated...I don't doubt TO is a good guy. I'm sure he is and his Teammates program is an excellent reflection.

I'm just saying the guy has flaws and is as full of shit as the next guy. OK, maybe not Peterson..but you get my drift.

1:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You should have included just one more question.

Since starting this blog. Who is your favorite person who responds to your written word? Supporter of not.

4:46 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Corn Ridden Shit guy is my favorite reader. I'm pretty sure if we had an election, he'd win that as well.

Very consistant, vulgar and profane. Very solid poster.

6:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I realize you went to Missouri and journalism school (although you don't say where you actually went to journalism school--maybe UMKC after you failed out of Columbia). But you seriously need to clean up your spelling. Missouri is one of the best J school in this country. If I was head of the J school at Mizzou, I would have booted your ass out of the dept. with a thick, steel-toed boot. Typos are one thing. But "consistant" is a wannabe journalist.

11:22 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

1) I went to a different journalism school and it may or may not have been where I was an undergrad.

2) I don't fucking care about this blog enough to worry about spelling, grammar or whether or not you like it. Be lucky I even run it through the spell-check one time.

Thanks for reading though, and shove that APA manual up your ass.

AJ

8:00 AM  
Blogger NE-Jhawk said...

Spelling errors can be annoying. But nothing in comparison to someone pointing them out.

5:25 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

I have 510 or so posts..maybe several thousand words in each one over 3 years...and that's the first time anybody has bitched about my spelling.

I think I can handle it.

OH, and NE...good game by your hawks tonight. Mizzou kept up and didn't quit..but didn't have the horses. Oh, and your students are complete fucking tools for wearing orange shirts. Seriously..if their one loss was to Colorado or K-State or something..but when you get smacked on National TV like that? Come on now...one of you has to see how lame that is.

10:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i have looked all over for the puch heard round missouri, can any one tell me the link to kellen houston knocking that frat fag into queer street.

10:59 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Wow, gaybashing. That ought to improve your image as a hayseed, ass backward home of hillbillies and rednecks.

11:00 PM  
Blogger NE-Jhawk said...

I understand that the KU/MU game 2 weeks ago in Columbia was equally a celebration of all things MU Football (which aparently meant showing nothing but KU/MU Arrowhead clips). And I noticed your whole arena was wearing cotton clothing. You've got to realize what a tool that makes you look like.

If you think it makes us look like a tool, fine. But ask yourself if you could see your students doing the same thing if the roles were reversed. I think we all know the answer to that one, considering you have a section of your fan base that dedicates itself to the 3rd grade practice of 'prank calling' as a way of getting under an opponents skin...

Taunting a team that is playing in front of you on your court? That is the definition of a good rivalry. Taunting someone from 200 miles away by phone the week before the game all the while your team rearely bothers to show up in 1 out of 15 games? That, slaver, is the definition of being a 'tool'.

7:05 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

No no no no. I'm not letting you slide on this one. You weren't taunting the team on the court. You were taunting a team with the same uniforms as the one that beat your ass straight up in football. How ignorant are you poeple?

I'm well aware of the rivalry. I get it. I've lived it every day, despite the fact that I don't live down that way anymore.

I'm simply stating if you were the basketball power you say you are (I've heard some people think so)...then you wouldn't have to stoop to bragging about a football team that..let's face it...beat the living shit out of you for 54 minutes in a game that was never in doubt, finished higher in the BCS, finished higher in the final rankings, won a bowl game by 27 points over an SEC team....

And that's the BEST you can do with a team that is 22-1? Are you serious?

I'm all for taunting. I may or may not have participated in the ritual both at games and at family dinners back home. But seriously...it makes you guys look like gigantic wankers.

Now I know you all are wankers..and you know you're a bunch of wankers..but when you pull that shit on national TV, it makes the rivalry look lame.

In other words..i'm embarassed FOR YOU, even if you're not.

7:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

AJ:

Another good read. A couple of observations:

I married a girl from Nebraska,...
I see that you married well too!

I don’t claim to be a big Browns fan because I had a layover in Cleveland once in 1997.
Hilarious!

Since the dreaded attack back on 10-06-07, NU has not lost to a Missouri team in any athletic competition. Restoring the order, one game at a time, one season at a time.
Go Big Red!

Best,
Joseph
Columbia,MO

11:13 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

Joseph is correct.

Perhaps that was rock bottom?

Touche corn man.

6:44 PM  
Blogger NE-Jhawk said...

Good points. But you still havn't answered the question...could you not see your students doing the same thing?

I'm glad you think we are the elite team that should be an example. Ever wonder what that might feel like? I mean you talk a good game...but we all know you don't have a clue what elite feels like. Some day when you are exceptional in anything at all (and don't go pretending putting 54 points up on KU and then shitting your pants against OU makes you elite), maybe you'll show us all how to act. I'm sure MU fans will step up. They'll probably start throwing pennies instead of quarters.

Oh well maybe someday right?

8:02 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Heh...

dude, they won 12 games, finished in the top 5 in the country, beat your dumb ass like a drum in front of God and the world...and since the early 1950's, your "elite" team has the same number of NCAA Basketball titles as UTEP.

Yeah...I'm devestated.

8:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Spelling errors can be annoying. But nothing in comparison to someone pointing them out."

Spoken like an uneducated Kansas tool that can't spell. No wonder you would be annoyed.

11:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

aj said:

1) I went to a different journalism school and it may or may not have been where I was an undergrad.

I said:

"different" is a good word." Where did you learn to write? Standing in a puddle of piss in a bathroom at Arrowhead? It obviously wasn't Columbia.

Your backwoods Missouri education is evident, and your writing ability is childish at best. Take a little pride in your work for once, and stop claiming you're a writer. It sucks.

Thanks for letting me contribute to your blog though.

12:02 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

So this Masters Degree in English is worthless?

Awww crap. I guess I'm going to have to shut it down because some anonymous poster says he hates my writing (despite the number of times he/she has hit the site in the last few days).

Sucks for me. Oh well. You'll have to give me your e-mail address so I can have you write the 300,000 IP's that have hit this site since September. I just don't have the heart to tell them I suck so bad.

Thanks for letting me know.

AJ

PS - I could give a fuck less if you like it or not. (You're the dumbass who clicked here). I write this for me...not you.

8:14 AM  
Blogger NE-Jhawk said...

You can't have it both ways fucktard. You can't ask us to be above it and then tell us we aren't 'elite' in the first place.

MU is classless towards KU and KU is classless towards MU. Only you seem to want us to set some sort of example because you can't field a basketball team that attempts to compete in anything beyond the KU game in Columbia.

So now we aren't elite because we only won one NC? So I guess we don't have to be better than you after all (because of this one category)? I'm seriously confused.

5:43 PM  
Anonymous The Bird said...

If you write in, I'll vote for ya. Last thing we need is another fusker lover, texass idiot, or razorback poser.

11:56 AM  

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